The Beauty of Sex

Sex. It is a topic that has been made taboo. During health education it is hardly talked about. "Sex education" in my country is a joke. All that we are told is "Don't have sex because it will kill you." Now, I'm being a bit cheeky here, but that really is how sex education here is taught. We're taught that sex is shameful, dangerous, and morally wrong. That it is an act that is comparable to death. In high school I was taught that if I had sex then I would get pregnant and die. Or if I didn't get pregnant then I would get a sexually transmitted disease. There was never any information about how pleasurable sex could be or how loved and connected that it could make two people feel. In fact, at least in my high school,I was handed a pamphlet on some contraceptives, but it wasn't all the helpful. It was just some basic information like how take a contraception (if it were oral or injection) and possible side effects. I remember sitting there and thinking to myself, "This is useless! I could have googled this and gotten significantly more information."

Making matters worse, no one in my group of friends ever discussed sex. It was just something that was never talked about. That is unless it was "Oh, I had sex. It was really nice" in a very monotone and non-enthusiastic tone. 

I began to wonder, "Is sex really something that has to be so taboo and filled with shame?" After all sex is natural and serves a purpose. None of us would be here if the generations before us didn't have sex. Many ladies, myself included, find it incredibly difficult to separate sex and love whereas men have the capability to separate the two. That is not to say that men can't associate love with sex just that they don't necessarily connect love with sex. It is not my intention to say that all men want is sex. In fact, there is a plethora of strong evidence to show that this really is not the case. In fact, I asked my man what sex meant to him. At first he laughed and then said, "At its core, sex is a connection." 

You see, in my experience I have meant many people who believe that all men are pigs. That all men want is sex. When I do a bit of self-reflection about the men in my life, I really look for evidence in my personal life that men don't just want sex. For example, both the men that I have been with, desired and needed sex. For many, if not most people, sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship. In my experience, I find that I feel loved and desired when my man and I make love. Sex has the potential to be intimate, beautiful and an expression of love. While sex is a very primal desire it is not dirty. I believe that a human being's need for sex will be with us for as long as humans walk this earth. You see,as the human brain evolved it didn't throw away the older parts of the brain. Rather,it fine tuned functions. What I am trying to get at is that sex   is natural and beautiful. 

I know that at least here in the States that there is very much sexual confusion. I believe that this is because culturally sex has been made morally wrong while our hardwiring makes us want and yes,need sex. As I said above, in sex education here we are basically told "don't have sex because it will kill you" and yet we are constantly bombarded with images that many would associate with sex. Sit back for a moment and really think about that. Is it really any wonder that people are so sexually confused?

For me personally, I am unable to have sex with someone that I am not in love with. In fact, casual sex and hook up culture really confuses me. Enough so that when I first met my man, I asked him, "Why do people like casual sex? How do people do it?" He replied by saying, "I love sex and casual sex can be fun, but when it's all said and done I know that I am still alone." So much for men just wanting sex. This summer, I decided that I was going to take an online home study course on men because frankly after going through a break up I was like "that fuckin' sucked!" and I never ever want to go through that again. Meeting a man before going home for the summer. To be honest, it really brought out a lot of my fears after the break up especially since I don't hear from him all the time like I did my ex. So, I decided to take this online course (click Here if you would like to check it out). Now, due to the nature of the course it wouldn't be complete if sex wasn't talked about. Something that I learned in this program is that men have two reproductive strategies. One in which they sleep with many many women in order to have a greater chance of passing on their genes.This is the older and more hardwired strategy. More importantly for me though was that men can and want to commit to me. For me this includes making love to only me and I to him. What can I say I don't like to share?

Ultimately, when sex is within an intimate and committed relationship it is a beautiful, passionate expression of love between two people.It's a connection.

What are your thoughts on sex? Sex education? What are your beliefs? Leave a comment below.

The Right Reasons to Lose Weight.

Hello Lovlies!

Now I'm not sure about you, but I have always struggled with my weight. I was always the chunky little girl who was harassed about her weight. In desperation to get my weight down, my parents placed me on a diet. They had good intentions but the diet didn't really help. They simply wanted me to be healthy. Throughout my childhood my parents were open about their concerns with my weight, but my weight was really a hot topic amongst everyone in my extended family though it was never openly and constructively discussed with me. It was always about me.

Naturally, this had a lasting impact on me. I really became obsessed with my weight. I weighed my self approximately six times a day. Exercises for seven hours a day. Eat little. And eventually,I even began taking laxatives for the sake of being thin and getting the result. I did get the result. I was thin, so I must have been beautiful. At least that was what I believed. Now, I will never be that size zero lady. Well, maybe I could be if I went to a surgeon and said, "Hey doc, you wanna remove some ribs and shave my hips?" Otherwise I will never be that small. 

Now though, I don't want to be that small. I want to be healthy and at a healthy weight. Healthy is what it truly beautiful. 

So, for what reasons should we lose weight?

1. For yourself.
2. To be healthy and increase your own personal overall wellness.

Reasons that we should not lose weight.

1. To get the love and acceptance of others.
2. For others.
3. To meet the beauty standards that are constantly imposed upon us.

Often, women loose weight for the wrong reasons! I believe that many women loose weight in the hopes of receiving love and acceptance of others. They, myself included, go through this stage where we worry about our weight for the sake of others and to meet beauty standards. 

The latest trend seems to be the thigh gap. If you haven't seen college humor's video on the "evolution of the thigh gap" take a look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omAb1Cgvg7A

While the video mocks the idea of the thigh gap, I feel that its point still stands. The whole idea of aiming for the thigh gap is frankly, ridiculous. In fact, we often believe that if we have a thigh gap that men will be more attracted to us. I too used to believe this until one day I was having a conversation with my ex.

We had just gone to the movies and seen Monsters University. On the way back to his apartment, I asked him what his opinion was on the thigh gap. At first he just gave me this kind of confused look and said, "What the hell is that?" I explained to him that it's literately just a gap between the thighs. He wasn't able to really wrap his head around it.    

Then it hit me. If men were really into the thigh gap, then wouldn't he have had a very distinct opinion on the thigh gap?

To give you another example, I recently asked a male friend of my mine his thoughts on the thigh gap. You know what he said? "It's useless."

Now I understand that this may be an over generalization of all men's thoughts on the thigh gap. And for some men, the thigh gap is truly a must but then again if he was really that into the tThigh gap, then he probably isn't worth your time.

I remember being a young teenager and looking at all of the actresses and how thin and beautiful they were. Have you ever seen a magazine cover that really celebrated a woman for her natural beauty? I can honestly say that I have never seen one.  

So with all the media advertisement of being super thin it can be really difficult to determine when thin is too thin. I can't tell you when too thin is for you. There are some questions you  can ask yourself however before you even begin to loose weight.

• Am I doing this for me and noone else?
• What is my goal weight? Is it reasonable and in a healthy range?
• Why do I want to loose weight? What is my intent?
• What am I chasing in loosing weight?

In my struggle to loose and maintain my weight, I have discovered a few key insights.

1. When looking to loose weight it should come from a place of love for yourself.
2. In order to loose weight and keep it off, it requires a complete life change.
• What I mean by this is that to keep off the weight we must be willing to moderate what we eat, how much we eat, and become active on a regular basis.

This may seem like a "Well no shit sherlock kind of deal" but for common sense it sure seems like we have forgotten it. Or perhaps we have buried it away so deeply that we simply don't want to acknowledge it.

What are your thoughts on the beauty standards? The thigh gap? Leave a comment below!